it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize