Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
