Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
