My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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