You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
