ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
