i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
