i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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