He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
