my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
