i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
