and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
