i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
