you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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