She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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