i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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