Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
