i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize