By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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