I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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