did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
