im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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