If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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