maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
