hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
