Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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