My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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