one two three fourrrrnication!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
