why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
