im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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