I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
