He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize