he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
