He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
