i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
