Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
