found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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