tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
