We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
