so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
