just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
