remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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