i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
