just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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