I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
