I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
