I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
