talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
