I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
