I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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