my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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