If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
