doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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