I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
