3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
