i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
