You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
