she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize