I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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