There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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