Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
