I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
