I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
