I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
