I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
