My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize