I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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