I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
