i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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