those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
