YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
