I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize