I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
