so explain again why im purple
no
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
