have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
