i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize