so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
