These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
